Sunday, May 31, 2009

Pouting Whale

How can I be fighting windmills
When I'm not much fighting at all
I make up problems to go against
But not by your perceived intensity

A profession based on lies
That's what it is to write
And who the hell knows
It might be true for someone

Accusations of oblivion
From the oblivious
What can I do but roll my eyes
And play your token snob

At the very least I'm happy
I tricked you without even trying
So many times it should be
Habit by now

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Creiddylad

If I ever...
If I EVER
said something
that proved conceit
or made you feel
patronized in some way
I didn't mean it
or I was joking

If I somehow
made a jab
at your expense
I was probably
running on no sleep
or wasted on no sleep
and meant it
more than anything

But let me tell you
What I'm thinking now
I'm thinking about
Humid nights
Pointless miles
Cotton candy
Pretty smiles
Pretty girls
barely out of high school
And remembering I'm free
And it's summer again

But I'll just stay in again
The fan pointed
directly on me

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Till Close

When I get off at night
Whispering expletives to the wind
I can sometimes hear you
Not in the wind, per se
But right next to me on my way
to my car and in the passenger seat
I'll say something softly to myself
and know exactly what you'd tell me

"What do you think of monocles?"
"I think they're fucking GAY!"

I don't think of you sexually anymore
In fact that's part of it all I wish
Could be completely erased
You could just become a black sterile figure
And I'd still think of you all day

Is that kind of creepy?

Reminds me of when we first met
And I hated you then
How could I know a comment like
"the quiet thing is kinda creepy"
was a joke, with a face
that solemn
But you were like me
We hurt the ones we love
There's no way around it

Maybe I am creepy
But that's not my point
It's just that
I don't even know where you are anymore
You could even be dead
or married

Which one's scarier

Monday, May 25, 2009

What a Cotard

I don't know what I'm doing and I never will
Most hate to admit it but I say it with pride
Clueless, worthless, full of shitty ideas
And shit
But it's not that bad is it
No

Just sometimes

Too many talk to me as if they know what
they're doing, but I've come to realize
they're mostly just pretending
It just comes so much easier with
Confidence like Goliath's

David wouldn't know what he was doing
if he didn't have his god
And maybe that's my biggest problem
right there
But I kinda like not knowing what I'm doing
Because it leaves the future open
Like maybe I'll die and go to heaven
Maybe I won't die at all

Puer Aeternus

Move like a dead man
Swear like a dead man
You'll never say those words again
Well this is making sure

Here's your 6 feet
Let's go 6 feet more

Breathe like the stillborn
Ghost kicks in uterine wall
Post-natal spasms
In the cerebellum

I want to grow up and be a baby, mommy

Disguised as a threat
I don’t mean it
But it will happen

Here, there
Everywhere
Too many words
Have some with your yogurt
Just like fruit
With the pits in

(with a little help from a plotmeister)

Friday, May 22, 2009

Sangre Cuerpo

Where is the man in the box
“In the box.
That’s probably why you can’t see him.”
Where is the woman with
The repeating mouth
“You hate it but you still want
Your precious continuity.”

Get home and sleep forever
Wake up and walk forever
Get home and sleep forever
Wake up and talk forever
To no one forever
Forever

He stinks at the gills
Send him back down to where he belongs
The bottom of the ocean ain’t a place for a man
The bottom of the ocean ain’t a place for a fish man
The bottom, of the ocean, ain’t a place for, a fish, man

Where is the man in the box
“He got up and took a walk.
Forever.”

Ironing

Every guy that isn't me is an asshole
Every girl that doesn't want me is a bimbo

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Forefather

The ectoplasm slowly
Seeps out of my eyes
Makes blankets of droplets
Where my mouth hangs wide
But a room void of sound
Can’t make me feel anymore dead
As the time ticks closer to the hour
It’s all the somnolence I’ll get

I’m alone
But who can blame anyone that avoids me

I’ve known many people
Some I have wronged
But none could prepare me for
One night so long
With them creeping the walls
And turning the pulpits
Into more than just guardrails
Guarding the culprits

We’ve all been burned alive
Some more than others
But who could have ever known
His would be so literal
When they ordered him, “Apologize!”
His mouth would not even open
Now mine won’t even close
And I’m left here hoping

For some bit of mercy
No matter how small
I was digging for the truth
But now I just want out

I’m alone
But I was the one who asked them to leave
Right now I only want to save myself
But I also can’t take anyone with me

So I apologize for him
And all he did you “wrong”
Because my life’s more appealing
Than eternity inside these walls

Dreams cost Money

Alone together

Easels on fan blades
Wall-splattered paint cans
We’ve got better things to do than get high
But the fumes get us anyway

In my daze I blurt out some phrase
That means nothing
But sounds like it does
And get on her bad side

She cuts the air
And we shrink into place
As I’m still thinkin’
Too many/too few women in my life

But it’s better than the alternative
Scraping the mulch off some prick’s taint
Sucking worms through straws
Spitting them out on the pavement
For the rain to finish off

I gotta say to her today
While the sun’s still out
And the light from the window
Still cuts through the grey

I love every inch of you

There’s a tiny little space between dimensions
Like the cleavage of atoms
The crack between her breasts
Warm and cozy and real and beautiful

Sunday, May 17, 2009

We slept through the movie

There used to be friendship in friendship
Love used to have something to do with love
But now there are too many mysteries
Too many ironies
Too many discrepancies
To truly love anyone
It’s probably just my bad experience
But my own is all I’ve got
There are plenty of exceptions
But when it comes right down to it
I won’t let you take my sanity
With yours
Not for love
Not anymore

Sacrifice and little lies are the key
But now it's just gone too far
Wake me up
Please
wake me up

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Endomorph

My hair is always falling out
But I've always got too much
I continue to hurt all over
Even with 8 hours or more
But I swear I think of you too
I swear

The man tells me time is an illusion
But how can I believe him at all
When I'm older, grayer, deader
With every passing moment
Sitting here thinking of you
But never saying hello
or asking how the kid's are

It's almost like I don't care

It's the things we believe that drive us
But I can't put myself wholly into any of it
Here he says there's only beauty
The other says there's only depth
Can't there be some sort of...
Sacrifice
No matter how small?

I've been dreaming bigger things lately
Not just something that would make a good book
or movie or song or album or painting
More along the lines of how I can help this
Beautiful, fucked up world
And if it even needs helping

But I swear I still think of you too
I do

Saturday, May 9, 2009

This will all sound so stupid when I'm sober

You know how I know I'm not a woman?
Because I have a penis
You know how I know I'm not gay?
Because I'm not attracted to men
You know how I know I'm not you?
Because I'm not a blind-sided moron

I don't state my feelings
Then say they're a joke
When they're not

You know why I let you bother me?
Because there's nothing better to do tonight
You know why you bother me so much?
Because I've heard it all my life
And wiped it off my shoulder
or tried to
And now I'm just sick of it
So fucking sick I could hurt you
But if I hurt you then I'd be you
And there goes my whole point

What's the point of points?
To those that do not care to hear them
That do not hear them
Because they can't think outside of
Their own head

Think outside your head and you might see what's at stake

You could destroy it all with the right (wrong) words
There's a beauty in that, and there's a fear
A big huge fear that can destroy you if you let it
But what are you to the world?

Maybe you're right
Maybe this conceited way is the way to go
But how can you know?
You may be happy from ear to ear
But your soul, your fucking soul...
Does it no longer exist
or does it just slowly diminish...?

I don't cry for you
I hate you
I cry for us all
And I die
Alone
But with some ill-fated form of content
deep down

...Is that really so much better?
IS IT?

I don't know
I still do not know

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Banshees and Bagpipes

There must be some ill-fated
Etched-out form of a scapegoat
In this world I write
Or maybe it’s just a culmination
Of a wide empty spectrum of
Too much time for nothing
The devil’s in the details
The details are vaguer by the minute

Tyrants sleep easy
But I can’t get a wink
These walls are thinner than
Sheet cake
You, slowly eating through to get me
I’m lonely, but not that lonely

Surprise me with a drink tonight
Mix it with all the things I done
A little dye for color
And syrup for flavor
A little ice, but let it melt
Making it slight and stale
Because that’s all I can handle
Right now

Hombre del señor
Con los planes imposibles
No significo traerte
realista donde vives
Pero apagar por favor tu stereo
por lo menos entre las horas
de 1 y 7
Quiero dormir

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Shakespeare Allusion 8,001

Wait till you're tired enough
To wake up
More time tired
is less time wasted

Hold till there's something to say
To shut up
Save them all the
noise pollution

Don't you just wanna stand
in the middle of the street
and scream as loud as
you possibly can?
Who the hell does it harm
Besides your own apprehension
All you get is some dirty look
A couple of what-the-fucks
Then everyone's back to the way it was

"I'm so sick of them saying
'What have you got to lose?!'
What have I got to lose?!
My privacy!
My integrity!
My pride!
My sanity!
My tube-vision!
My dreamscape!
My head!"

What drives me insane
What drives you insane
What drives us insane is the way
We don't wanna be so insane
Is that normal?
Am I fucked?
What's my problem?
I must be losing it
HahahahaHAHAHAHA

...

Wait till you're in love enough
To break their hearts
They will not
see it coming

Wait till the moment you are close enough
To push it away
Like the seamless way all your contradictions
Form some sort of semblance
In this absolute reverse of the truth

Oh no,
just let me
sleep on it

They took 'fear' out of the dictionary today
I don't know if I should be happy or sad that
I no longer have a name for this thing here
That's very real, very scary, oh no

Saturday, May 2, 2009

De la Galerie

You said to me
Vous m’avez dit
You said to me
Vous m’avez dit

Live for the best times
Live with the worst
You know it never ends
Until it all ends one day
Johnny Hallyday sticks his head
through my window and smiles

You said to me
Vous m’avez dit
You said to me
Vous m’avez dit

S'ils me jugent
après une nuit
dont le défaut
est celui?

You said to me
You said to me
I’ve danced here with you
Too long
Now I just wanna go home
And sleep
And wake-up to this impending
Hang-over de l'âme
Or something even more melodramatic
Than that

La lumiere est lumineux
Bais je me sens toujours
comme je pourrais
mourir
mort