this site is now dead or dead for the most part. i'm going to start posting more on http://valmurah.deviantart.com.

This one is pretty awful

She gives me some form of eye contact
 But I can't break away quick to see
Was it interest, no matter in the park
 Or was it obvious disgust

What's the matter, I shouldn't bother
 Who needs an angel when there's people lost
I don't need a better half
 I just need one good half
Even with these cut-ups no longer in key

Keep your sacred with your secrets
 Dredge the lakes where bodies rest at
Leave them in your closet, cabinet,
 Underneath your pillow, underneath the mattress
In the sock drawer next to the condoms
 In the cracks in the sidewalk
Mary and the Dirt run free

I'll be the judge
I'll be the arbiter
Even though I'm going straight to hell

See, I told ya

We've got a bleeder

They tell me it’s just a thing

Of no real consequence

No true means to fund it

No valid ends to warrant

Even a passing interest

He knocks at my door

Invites himself in and makes himself comfortable

Then tries to explain the system

Like intricate sewer grids

Searing through all the bullshit

But still so much slips through undetected

I offered him a cup of coffee

Even asking him how he took it

And searched for the sugar

I never made use of

Now fixed in clumps

Now cut in cubes

Now served with milk

I kept mine black

Then I laid it on thick

How the under-swept made me

Physically sick

And if he knew what was

Good for him

He’d never step foot

In this house again

He stood up then

Shook my hand

Shrugged and condescending

“We’ve all got to grow up sometime”

Then left

Don't you think I don't already know

I can't fight from the inside and risk becoming you

But I can't fight from the outside at all

Don't you think I don't already know

Don't you think at all

Quiet People

People don't approach me
I am not the approachable kind
They probably think I've got it all figured out
Like I don't need anything more in my life
But the perceptions have always been
Incredibly wrong

She tries so hard to continue the conversation
Thinking I might actually be involved
Maybe I could think of something myself
But I can't and won't force it like I used to
It's not worth the trouble, really

I recently met a girl I fell for almost instantly
But her boyfriend was better in so many ways
I just got choked up and walked away
She was mad because she thought I didn't even say "bye"
But it was only that she didn't hear me
I generally talk below a whisper

When I told you I loved you, I meant it
But when I told you to forget me
I was just so afraid I couldn't be with you
Talk to you, love you the way you deserved
And were the killer butterflies really worth it?
I wish I could say they were
I wish I could have known

You see this is why I'm still such a child
Because I can't get past myself and grow a pair
It's just so much easier said than done
It's just so pathetic but it's who I am

Your little boy
The one you'd always love
But could never stand next to