Brother John

There’s nothing here
Just a clear puddle of water
The help won’t arrive
If we wait for it
There’s nothing here
Just a blank expression
On my person
Barely moving, but still moving
I’ve hardly ever gotten anything right
Or maybe that’s my
Self-devotion
To self-doubt

This world is real big
I’ve read the almanacs
I’ve seen the atlases
I should know my way around by now but don’t
And when the help comes
Will I be waiting
Or will I be trying
To be this broken machine but back together
Best to leave it to the pros...?

I’ve read all your books
And they were all good
But they made me feel bad
Is this really how you view life?
A never-ending attempt at suicide?
That goes through the system
When you least expect it
Some outer limit lottery
Where everyone wins
Just at different times and places

I’ve been dead before and many times
I was re-surfaced
Yet all this time I still only have
A tiny sliver of confidence to my name
And not even to my real one
But something I made up when I was bored
And wishing I was with nonexistent friends

Ghosts fill my house
And cloud my vision
My soul is with them
But my fingers still reach for a pen or pencil
And scribble gibberish
All over the clear water
That I walk over
While talking to them

The ghosts have more of a sense of humor than half the human race does

Computers

If I had the time
The will power
None of the consequence
And a really big hammer
I would smash every single computer in the world

The Big Book

I wish I never read bukowski
Wish I never knew the burroughs of the world
It cuts away the harbinger
It screams disillusionment
I wish I never knew endowment
Now that I take it all, arms wide
Whatever
The library gets bigger
Every time I visit
And there’s this book there
At the top of the shelf
But I’m not quite tall enough
To reach it yet
Even with a ladder

Love

I walked awhile
Then sat down
I saw the pink dog piss on
The red fire hydrant
And wondered why
Of all this time
It took so long to write my epic

I ran another mile
Then sat down
Breathing heavily
My heart beating heavily
I wondered where people went
Before the outhouse
I’d trade adventure for comfort
Any second of the day
See the street sweeper gone his way
Okay, I take it back

The windows on these buildings
Are all mirrors
You can see from the inside
But not the people hiding in there
Sometimes it can make me feel like
My life’s on trial
But then I come down to reality
Or my version, I should say

There are a million subjects to write about
So how come it always has to come back to one

Baked Alaska

i don't get the point
beside showing off
my ice cream tastes just as good
straight from the carton

Scary Mcgoo

Do I freak you out
She said
Do I make you wanna scream
Ex-ple-tives

Nah, not really
I replied
You’re more one of the types that
Thinks they’re hot shit
But runs to their mommies
At the first sign of
Depth

She fell silent and pondered
A comeback
I didn’t much feel like waiting
Around for it

Do I freak you out
I said

Emo poem

I broke forever
Or maybe it was the world
Not my idea I said
But it happened so quick
I broke the rain clouds
They drizzled onto the street
My head expanded
And I caught trees and placed them
In their own patch of rotting soil
Watched the earth rest in anguish
As they sucked its wrinkled teat
Then I cut my wrists to the bone
Just cuz everyone’s doing it these days

Shakespeare hates my emo poems
And Jesus just hates me

(Note to reader: If you take this seriously I will lose all hope in humanity and really become emo.)

Pickle Sandwich

How old were they?
I didn't care
It was two to the regular none
Neither of 'em looked bad
For that matter either

Back at the flat
Josie turned on the stereo
And they started flipping stations
Doing the "guess the group" game
They named most of the dance stuff
Some of the newer artists
I'd never heard of
While I named off stuff like Springsteen
Or Lowe
"What the hell is this old man shit?"
says Annette

Well, they weren't all that charming
or clever
But as I said
they didn't look bad either

Josie eventually wanted to order out
I ordered her into the bedroom
She thought I was joking
I only was on the outside
But we were eventually all sprawled
Right across the floor by the fireplace anyway
If they weren't drunk already
They were by the time I had the vodka ready

I'd headed back to the kitchen
To get some snacks or whatever
Then walked back to see them
All over eachother
Playfully sucking at eachother's
Skin
Here we go, I thought
Before I knew it I was on the floor too
Clothes were being removed
But their faces could not be
pried from one another
I tried to work my way in
But by the time I was between them
I heard snoring

They'd dozed off simultaneously
I was the pickle

I squeezed my way out
Walked back to the bar
Sucked on an olive and more alcohol
In the meantime the bartender
Told me about these two fake narcoleps
That loved to go home with bachelors
Then fall "asleep" and rob them blind

So I ran back home immediately

But they were still there
In the exact position when I'd left
One lying over the other

I laughed when I finally figured it out

I was just that boring

Robin Alexander 3

Who believes in love these days
She sat straight across from me on the bus
And I couldn’t work up the nerve
Saw her again on the elevator
My heart skipped a beat or two
I needed to take the 6th
She was taking the 9th, so I stayed
I stood outside the elevator
I watched her walk away
Made my way through the tiny firms
That mind their own business
Found the exit to the roof
Watched the sunset by myself
Finally noticed I was an hour late
Went to ground level and
Headed back to the bus stop again

Never believed in love at first sight
Not so sure I believe in love at all

Angel

My best friend is an angel
When my brother's stubborn
And hits the gas to 110
She's there, beating gravity
And all the times I've
Trudged through past regrets
She was there to give me a break
for lunch

My angel can see when
I feel down even though I smile
She knows all my pains
Yet cannot soothe them
Only with words and laughter
She knows how long it is
I've been away from earth
And what it will take to
Get me back there
And says calmly
Because that's what she is
Take it slowly
Put one foot in front
of the other
Keep going

My angel does not believe me
When I tell her I am done
When I can't take anymore
Because she knows just as well
As I do, that it's a lie
She doesn't care that I am
Not easy like most others
Or that I find it hard
to laugh
Harder to cry

She walks between car lights
And motions the traffic
To turn away
And go the opposite direction
And when the policeman
Pulls me over for
Expired plates
She lets him know
That I am not just some wasted kid
But an old soul
Lonely and not breaking
Any laws or limits
Not even my own

My best friend is an angel
My only friend on nights
Where I can hear and feel
Nothing but self-pity
Drowning the lights out
Covering the sour-smelt breath
The shout-outs
and the shot-downs

Simply

You let me down quick
No need to be soft about it
And that’s alright
I think
I’m just as alone
As I’ll ever be
All my friends are putrefacts
Living in an altered state
Or just the next one over

I spent hours pulsing crimson blood
And only a few minutes is what it took
To figure out for once and for all
That it’s just the way it falls
Or hits the fan
Whichever you prefer
Love is simply shit
It's this basic human need
Yet not everyone can have it

People

don't have
a f ucki
n g clu
e
i t's not hing n
ew
but i
t c an 't he lp
but alw
ays su rpri
se m e

Speak in Pictures

How does it feel
To feel unfulfilled
You’re just as much of a bat
As I am
And it’s not helping

How does it feel to get a
Get out of jail free
Metaphorically
It shouldn’t be this happy
in the dark
Should it?

I probably should not judge you
For things you have done but will not do
Again but things like that eat at me
When I’m trying to sleep
Then again
I’ve already spent a third of my life
Doing that and don't
Remember a second of it

Hello, 1984 again (the year, not the book)
And I’m barely a thought
Let alone conception
And I have no self-control
When the piggies ask for their checks
So they can take floozies around in limousines
And call it living

Maybe I just need to feel it
Feel what
I want to fall asleep beneath this tree
But I’m too busy thinking
Of the things you’ve done but will not do
Again and I wonder when I’m going to
Get my chance
What chance
I had a million
And blew them
Skewered them
Till the aggregate cracked and
Took me with it
And as I’m plummeting
I’m not praying
Nor is life flashing before my eyes
Like they say it does
Nah
I’m thinking of all those bad bad things you did
That you say you will not do
again and

All the Best Satirists

Maybe I should study Buddhism
Or Greek mythology
Just to have something else to
Parody

Maybe I should take up
Another addiction
And forget about the regular itinerary
This nice little party
They’re throwing me
For reasons that cannot faze

There is no sense in tradition
Family is all that matters
But family’s what’s driving us crazy
And I dream of a times’ told
Terribly old, satirical story
And want to be a piece of it
For centuries it’s remained untitled
But I scoff and give it one

“How to exist on your own terms”

And I’m burning calories
Burning up the atmosphere
And I’m in harmony
Writing etudes on misery
And if you fill me up
I will not spill
Because anyone irrelevant
Can clearly see
I’m making something of
Being a nobody

But I’m still learning
How to exist on my own terms
How to craft a new given name
No senseless vowels or consonants
May hold it back from the gathering of
The burning hearts of dying stars
That stretch into deep space
And send back lunar melodies
To greet us on the radio
The familiar tunes
Having yet to be heard

These are the means on how
To exist
To feel
To sense
But never quite
To see

Untitled #3068

I will not apologize for being a male
I will not apologize for enjoying sex
I will not apologize for having an opinion
I will not apologize for loving art

Losing my back for causes I don’t care about
I can never help but surprise myself
In this having felt like an old man
And laughing at all the ugly paintings
That people find something in

I will not apologize for insulting art
I will not apologize for hating everything you say
I will not apologize for loving everything you are
I will not apologize for being indifferent

The blinds cut slats across our bodies
And work is a grind we deal with
I can’t much see you anymore
And when I do it’s like this
Breathing in morning air
Wishing it was cigarette smoke
With awkward coughs in between
Clinging to the walls and skipping beats in routine

I will not apologize for being different
I will not apologize for being cliché
I will not apologize for feeling trampled
I will not apologize for waiting on idle

Instead of turning off the car
And the ringer rings as you
Walk into the gas station
And spill a tote of cheap beer
The clumsy idiot you are
But I know I love it
And when you offer to pay it
Even though I know you
Only have a 10 in your pocket
And four dollars in your account
But because you’re good-looking
Or something
The clerk says it’s okay
And puts 10 on 3
And we’re on our way
But when I lean in for a kiss
At the red light
Some jerk honks and swears
For missing the green

I will not apologize for the bullies
I will not apologize for the frail
I will not apologize for inevitable abuse
But if I am the one that ever hurt you
or anyone around you
I apologize

(it's weird to me how stupid and machismo this sounds.)