With the Ball

I’ve known you three months
But I still don’t know you
I know no last name, just a first
A face to the name
And an awkward demeanor
Resuscitation in verse
(How well you make me feel so
Small)

I often wonder if you’ll come here
Maybe I can see you one more time
Where the formless objects roll into motion
At the Belt and the Nile
Where they meet
In late fall

But denial
Sweet denial
You tricked me before
Shame on me if you do it
Again-gain-gain-gain…

But this time…
For real
…Would you be as cool
As you were?
Or would you let it all
go
When I think of you
I realize it was honest, true
But what the hell does the heart
Really know

So here I lie
Where the hours fly by
Like flashes in the blind-spot
Of my window
Where the early bird
May catch the worm
At the price of his/her sanity

Life doesn’t roll with the ball
So don’t take it personal
Don't let it
get to ya

Reality

You're the rudest awakening I've ever received
I travel far to get nowhere and that's where we meet
Your feet sink in the clay as if it's still wet
Pulling me with you, how did I get here

Maybe I'm just better off alone than with anyone
Does the sky eat itself, or does it copulate
The sun masturbates to starstreams a million miles away
Just as much a pervert as everyone here on this planet

I apparently see all "wrong" so I'm left grounded
All my greatest intentions turn out completely unfounded
And all the ingrates that can't fake at least respect
Get drunk on mama's wild turkey and then become teacher's pet

I don't want to be perfect, had enough of that
I don't want to be famous, they're pretty idiots
I don't want to be loved, maybe just ignored
I don't even want you anymore... dear

You took those memories
You left those memories
You trashed those memories
What more is left to desire
Besides reality
anymore

You're not so complex
You just have a complex

Fuck Bucket

Hand cut off with a jumbo heart
We do what we can to barely get by
Love like fasting to get to the core
Sleeping in the room where the naked ladies are
Thin lines of smoke all muddled at the ceiling
Five crossed lovers not sure what they’re dealing with
The end of foreboding
The bleak black skies

I don’t need to know her
She just sings while they all scream
Plugging her ears with soot and clay
Sewing her eyes shut with needle and wire

Come into the light dear
Where we all can see you
Lick our lips and press our hips
Up to the glass
Thrust in vulgar gestures
Beat until we’re breathless
Coming, coming
We all fall down

The pits are full of lions’ shit
The pits are full of carcasses
The pits are full of lions’ shit
The pits are waiting for us

Movie Dialogue #18

"When's that book coming out?"
"Tomorrow."
"Really?"
"No."
"Oh."
"Whatever."
"How's the fiancé?"
"Funny haha."
"Oh I forgot."
"It's okay."
"The mortgage?"
"Swimming."
"Swimming?"
"Swimmingly; sorry."
"Do you want to be left alone?"
"No, I guess not."
"If you say so..."
"Nice weather we're having."
"...Uh. It's really cold."
"You don't like the cold?"
"I like the temperate."
"I like the cold."
"Why?"
"So many chances to get warm."
"Huh?"
"Cocoa. Fireplaces."
"You still drink that stuff?"
"Not really. It's a nostalgia thing."
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
"Well, I gotta go."
"Go where?"
"Elsewhere."
"Yeah, right."
"Look, it's not you, I just need some space..."
"Funny haha."
"I thought so..."
"It would be if I didn't only just hear those very words a week or so ago."
"Wow, she actually said that? Minus ten points for un-originality."
"Look, it's not you, I just need some space. Therefore I'm calling off the marriage, our relationship, or anything I have to do with you."
"Well, if she said that..."
"Nah. Just the first part."
"Well, I'm sorry man, really."
"No you're not."
"Yeah, maybe not a lot, but that does suck."
"Thanks, I guess."
"Well, I'm gonna go then."
"Bye."
"...Oh! And thanks."
"For what?"
"Showing me how I might miss winter if it ever skipped a year."
"De nada."
"Feliz Navidad mi amigo."

Bonaparte

Leave me on this island
Leave me on Elba to die
I don't mind
Actually I do
I'm just the shyest man alive
And maybe to her
I'm not even so much as a boy
"Only boys play games"

I was never in the game to begin with

I say one thing
Then contradict myself
Because everything I say
Carries the weight of feathers
Floating through black holes

"Love can be so sweet"
She also told me this
"But truth is even sweeter"
Even if it lacks a tasteful edge
Instead, a vulgar shape
A pencil-etched penis
in a textbook

The drumbeat ticks along
But there's no uniting force
Behind it all
It's aimless and broken
I never came
Never wanted to be there
In the first place
I tried to call it all off
But hung up and just didn't show up

If you can't count on me
Who can you count on?
…Sorry?
No, I'm really not
I don't want to spread a skin
Over something that cannot be beaten

The computer clicks on
Whirrs and starts
You understand every circuit
Every flash of light

As if understanding is some sort of
Absolution
But I pray the ambiguities make you crazy
They're the only thing left to keep me sane

Leave me alone on this island
Leave me alone to die
It's fine
For the shyest man alive

Maybe one day you too will value silence
And solitude

It's really quite beautiful

Forage for food
You coward
You wouldn’t take the scraps
Big Man kicked at you
So bury your head in your hands
And let it all out
Somewhere where
They won’t see you

Look at yourself in the puddle
Hale like slick softballs in
Battery Park
Take me somewhere where
The skies won’t see us

Dance ‘round my bed
Like some stinkin’ spic
‘Round his sombrero
Meet my eyes
Suck my insides out
Through the mouth
Or neck or anywhere
Soft or wet

I want to inject you like sex
Feel you deep inside me
Retching to get out again
Ripping out my pores
Like fleas, get me on my knees
Please forgive me mommy

Ring ‘round the bed dear
All the children in the air
Screaming, playing
Watching mom and daddy
Going at it
Make me want to be a fagget
When I grow up

I want to feel you like sex
Become you, numb you
To my keeled condition
Believe in the easy
Getting off, I don’t want to take you there
But I want you to stay forever

Come inside my closet
Where the children stalk here
Muzzles for their filed teeth
And methamphetamine dreams
You can hear them screaming
“Don’t stick your cock in my holes!
I just want to go outside!
I just want to play!”

I want a hold of you so I can mold you
In my own image
Deep, incestual
Oblivious
To thoughts but keen to feeling
And when you take my hips
Drag my hips
Across the floorboards
Across the carpet
Through the doorway
Across the gravel
And into your cunt, dear
In the middle of the court, dear
Gaping, wide, wet and sticky
I’m not picky

Then stick it
in my
mouth
And fill my
eyes
Fill my
lungs with
Sssssssss…